Why is it hard to love my neighbour? Ask the chipmunks . . .
Review of "Love Your Neighbour."
Love your neighbour: How psychology can enliven faith and transform community
Katherine M. Douglass and Brittany M. Tausen
Eerdmans, 2026.
How would you feel about my neighbour (true story!) who was so frustrated with mice in his cabin that he boasted about lavishly spreading poison all over his yard? How would you feel listening to this, knowing that all the local chipmunks disappeared? Jesus counseled us to love our neighbours as ourselves but never said that would be easy, what with nuisance pets, conflicts over parking and intolerant political opinions. Loving neighbours is a spiritual challenge that needs to be lived out practically. I don’t know about you, but I sure need help.
And along comes one of the most enjoyable books I’ve read in a long while. I highly recommend it to Bible study groups or adult Sunday school classes. Co-written by a practical theologian (Katherine M. Douglass) and a social psychologist (Brittany M. Tausen), this book draws on both of their specialties to understand what it takes to love one’s neighbours.
This project grew from what the authors learned when their university struggled with how to respond to a nearby encampment for unhoused people. They wondered about hard-to-resolve questions: “Who is my neighbour?” “What counts as loving them?” “Why do I struggle to love my neighbour?” “How can I love better?” They reflect on such questions theologically and explore the reasons why it is hard to love one’s neighbours. They also offer practical strategies for moving forward.
Every chapter is a gem, with these particular recommendations: “Noticing your neighbour”; “Hurrying less”; “Assuming responsibility, even when it’s not your fault”; “Recognizing everyone’s full humanity”; “Letting go of contempt”; “Being open to thinking again”; “Strengthening your empathy muscles”; “Talking less and listening more” and “Persisting when you are being treated poorly.”
Rich discussions
Each chapter begins with actual psychological studies. “Recognizing everyone’s full humanity,” for example, explains the human tendency that we all have to stereotype. They demonstrate how quickly and easily we dehumanize and write off others. Then they reflect on what the Bible teaches about human dignity and fairness, while describing ministries that practice redemptive respect. Finally, they make practical suggestions: practice role reversal and get to know someone that represents a group that makes you uncomfortable; consider more ways of giving, time, money and support to people who are often neglected; ask people what they need rather than assume we know the answer. The authors get at deep issues in understanding barriers to compassion and guide us in ways we can reform our broken systems.
Each chapter would make for great discussions with fellow believers. Social studies teach surprising things: Did you know that just having a cell phone nearby harms personal conversations? That busyness makes us less likely to be compassionate Samaritans?
This remarkable book challenges, encourages and heartens. The authors remind us of a rich paradox in our faith: when we are generous we receive far more than we give.
I haven’t seen my chipmunk murdering neighbour since the massacre and I’m not sorry about that. I’m not going to lie: I don’t really want to talk to him again. Douglass and Tausen remind me that there is a better way, however. Next time he and I are both outside, I’ll stroll over and chat, hoping to get better acquainted.
