Shoulder surfing in New Zealand

The city bus pulled up to the stop and a woman dressed in a pressed skirt, a collared blouse and heels climbed on board with a cell phone in hand. It was clear she was busy in conversation with her phone, her thumbs quickly texting. I was already sitting on the bus with Blake, our second-born. It was my second escape from wintery Canada to summer in the city of Wellington, New Zealand; Blake and I had just finished another great hike along the gorgeous South Pacific coast.

The physical layout of the bus included seats on platforms of varying heights, and in this case, where Blake and I were sitting allowed us a bird’s-eye view of the passengers ahead of us. As the woman sat down directly in front of me, our elevated view created an awkward scenario, unbeknownst to her. Though Blake and I tried to look out the window or straight ahead, it was very difficult to not see the woman’s text exchanges. The woman had a large phone and had increased the font significantly. (I can relate. Since turning 50, my phone’s font size has been on a steady upward trajectory.) Based on her formal attire, I assumed that she was busy with some kind of professional interaction.

Curiousity wins

My first (accidental) glance, as embarrassed as I was to invade her privacy, made me realize that she was having a conversation with someone who had invited her to watch a movie. My second (not-so-accidental) glance made me pause and linger. She was not just texting a person; she was also texting questions regarding her feelings about the movie date to ChatGPT, seeking advice from the artificial intelligence chatbot. Throwing my manners out the bus window, I spent the rest of our ride subtly observing her very vulnerable exchange with the web-based tool. When we got off at our designated stop my 22-year-old, having witnessed this alongside me, said, “If the rest of the adults in our world are like her, we are in so much trouble.”

Who’s driving?

The advancement of technology has led to some incredible gains for those who live with a disability, such as a physical and cognitive limitation. In my August 2024 column, I described how our family has enjoyed using the brain-computer interface program with our girls, allowing Rachel and Janneke to use their active brain waves to initiate our kitchen mixer in making cookies. Technology has given new life to the ways we – and Rachel and Janneke’s care team – interact with the girls.

Reflecting on my shoulder surfing experience with the bus rider and her interactions with technology makes me think about how we nurture relationships, community and social harmony in a hyper-technological culture where convenience might supersede connection. Technology has created access to some pretty amazing experiences. Yet watching that woman respond to ChatGPT left me wondering about who (or what) is quietly steering our choices. May our decision-making continue to be centred around human connection.