MAiD and suicide prevention in Utrecht

It is sometimes necessary to talk about suicide. Recognizing this, the campus ministry my wife Brenda works for decided someone needed to have suicide prevention training, and off she went. Hearing back from her made me think of things that happened in Utrecht, where I lived as a student and where my aunt Lieneke lived until recently. Lieneke died by way of Medical Assistance in Dying (MAiD) while we were in the Netherlands this spring.

Students in distress

Graduate students are typically at a stage in life that things can easily go wrong. Just consider the following possibilities: the career path they chose turns out to be largely based on misconceptions. Relationships with family members get messy. The hope for financial independence becomes remote. Attempts at building friendships or finding a life partner fail. Research projects stall because of unimaginative, self-interested, or overburdened academic advisors, or another academic hardship, of which there are legions – just ask the campus minister. And not to forget, graduate students are intelligent enough to recognize how humanity is wrecking the planet.

Now, mix and stir . . . Is this enough to make a person suicidal, or need I go on?

In my late 20s I went through all of these problems, and then some. I distinctly remember giving off signals that I was deeply troubled, which is what people in distress will do. As of today, we know that in such cases, a safe person will need to ask the unhappy person directly: Are you thinking about suicide?

For me, Lieneke was the person who knocked on my door. Thankfully, I was not suicidal, but she did not know that. What she did took courage, and I remember it with gratitude.

Duty to life

I mourn Lieneke. Her last six months were really hard, but in life she had a welcoming house full of art and music, a friendly neighbourhood. She had opportunities to work and travel. (She loved Canada too, having lived in Edmonton in the 1960s). A beautiful life even if, to my regret, the Christian faith became ever more remote for her. Her choice of MAiD fit that reality. Do I judge Lieneke’s choice for MAiD? Of course not.

The Christian reticence towards MAiD is founded on the belief that life is inexhaustible up to its very end. I would have liked to see Lieneke before she died, but time was short and it would have been too much for her. So instead, I sent a silly picture of two of her grandnieces, both with a cat stuffy on their heads (the twelve-year-old looking decidedly awkward). Why? Near death, I look for moments of joy and consolation to break through. At the funeral, that certainly happened.

The first post-Vatican II Catholic catechism, the (Dutch) New Catechism, caused a global sensation in 1966. It teaches that all have a duty to life. This means that the young and struggling should seek help, and their elders be ready to give it. For those close to death, it is more complicated: it is not necessary to cling to life at all costs, but actively ending life is something to avoid. In this way, all generations may find space for the love beyond words that is stronger than death, and greater even than faith and hope.