Imaging God

This summer was rough for my family. We gathered up all of our belongings and moved to a new province, leaving our friends, our communities, and the ocean air behind us. Not surprisingly, our children are extra emotional, and, if I’m being truthful, my spouse and I are also more emotional than usual. As much as we might want to, we can’t undo the move and go back to our old home as though this was just an extended vacation. However, my husband and I can do something to help our children with their grief and pain: we can be present.

Being present with our children means we are focusing on them and what they need. We are actively listening to what they are saying, leaning into moments that allow us to be with them, and creating space for them to express their emotions. It’s not always the easiest thing to do – especially since we also need to be present and attuned to ourselves and our own emotions and needs – but it is more than necessary. In fact, research has shown us that being present with our children helps strengthen their mental health, boosts their self-confidence, teaches them to be adaptable and resilient, and so much more.

So it shouldn’t come as a big surprise that God works the same way with us. We are designed to crave connection. We can get it through spending time with God, or spending time with others, but we were born to desire it. And when we are present with ourselves and with others, we mirror the way that God is present with us.

Being Present with God

“There’s something elemental in the human desire to be connected to something beyond ourselves,” says Dr. Ellen Davis, an Old Testament scholar and the Amos Ragan Kearns Distinguished Professor of Bible and Practical Theology at Duke Divinity School. This desire can be redirected towards other people or other things, but it ultimately points back to our creator.

“We are united to Christ,” explains Dr. James Wilhoit, a retired Professor of Christian Education and Core Studies at Wheaton College. “And the way we experience Christ as Christians today is through our union with him.”

And while this union is a gift that we cannot earn, we don’t always recognize it. “I know [that desire for a connection with God] gets so easily swallowed up by other desires,” says Davis. She explains that these substitutions aren’t necessarily bad in moderation, but “as these manifestations decrease, what should increase is a sense of God or a desire of connection with God.”

The best way to help ourselves direct our energy back where it belongs, is to practise being present with God. “[Recognizing God’s presence] is something we should be disciplining ourselves to be aware of,” says Wilhoit. “At my best, I would hope that the presence is near constant.”

How we experience his presence will look different for different people. Ellen Davis, shared two stories about ways we might experience him. The first one is a story about her friend, who is a nun. “When she was a young nun, her prayer was continually ‘my whole desire is for you.’” Over and over this young woman prayed these words as she lived in profound silence, which means that while they still spoke and there was still noise within the community, she and the other nuns were conscientious about what sounds were heard or what words were said. As she prayed, “she gradually began to hear those same words coming back to her from without. That was the answer to her desire: mutual presence. That was enormously comforting to her to hear those words return,” continued Davis. “But if she hadn’t known what she was seeking, she might not have gotten the assurance she was looking for.”

Hearing his voice isn’t the only way we can tangibly feel God’s presence around us. It can also come as a deep and unexplainable sense of peace. “In the first week following my husband’s death,” said Davis, “I remember waking up, thinking okay how do I feel? And I realized I felt safe, I felt peaceful, I felt content, I felt loved. These were not the feelings I would have expected.” She paused for a moment before continuing, “I think that’s what he’s experiencing, and I—on my side of death—am allowed to participate in that.”

“Union is first and foremost a fact that one feels. It is not something we achieve, it’s something that is given to us,” explains Wilhoit. And when we work towards recognizing this gift, we get to experience the wholeness of Christ’s union with us, Christ’s “unconditional love, fidelity and presence.” And this presence kindles and nurtures the hope we have within us as Christians.

Being present with ourselves

Wilhoit and Davis both explain a few ways that we can practise being present with God. Wilhoit suggests the practises of gratitude and scriptural meditation. Davis explains that “one needs to make time and one needs to make space for it. So silence, prayer, letting yourself be still.”

These practises also have the added benefit of giving us a chance to be present with ourselves, which is important because, as Davis points out, we need to be actively present in our own lives before we can be present in the lives of those around us and before we can truly notice God’s presence in our own lives.

“We may be less aware of the fact that we are not wholly present to ourselves,” says Davis. In Genesis 6, Noah is described as being whole before God. “In that particular story, people weren’t. So I think it points to the rarity of being fully present to oneself.”

The story of Noah isn’t the only time the Bible touches on the importance of being present with ourselves. As Davis points out “the clear inference of Leviticus ‘and you shall be loving to your neighbour as to yourself,’ is that you can’t be loving to your neighbour unless you are loving to yourself.”

Being Present with Others

Once we have learned to be present with ourselves and with our God, we can mirror God’s presence as we reach out and are present in the lives of those around us.

“One of the ways we order our lives is to imitate Christ – it’s the Pauline call, an implicit call in the Gospel,” explains Wilhoit. “We seek to imitate aspects of Christ’s union with us as we interact with other people.” But we need to be intentional about it.

Even though he is a self-admitted introvert, Wilhoit is still deeply invested in the lives of those around him even if it might inconvenience him a little. “I’m behind on writing,” he says with a small laugh, “but my neighbour texted me last night and invited me on a bike ride this morning. I said yes.”

While putting aside work to spend time with a friend might seem unreasonable or unprofessional, doing so is important to Wilhoit, and it is a decision that he does not take lightly. “One of the factors of being healthy individuals is forming strong relationships,” he explains. “So I consciously think, if I have an opportunity to do something that would strengthen relationships, I will do it.” He has been making that same choice for years because he knows that being there for his neighbour or his family is a gift to them.

As Davis points out, because presence is a gift, it is for the benefit of the other person. And, since the death of her husband earlier this year, it is a gift she is very aware of receiving. “I’ve been very, very conscious of it in some ways, especially with my students,” Davis laughs, “because it’s not really my students’ job to attend to me. It’s my job to attend them. So I’ve been particularly mindful of how assiduous and sometimes creative and thoughtful they have been in giving attention to me.” She laughs again and mentions how people were surprised that she returned to teaching right after her husband’s death. “I don’t do it out of any great generosity. I do it because I feel better when I’m around them.”

And that’s the point of being present with others. We hope that by putting down our phones to watch a game with our friends, or leaving the dirty dishes to run around the park with our children, or setting aside our favourite book to enjoy a cup of tea with our parents, they will feel better because we are with them.

But that doesn’t mean you can never have time to yourself. “Part of being present is to try to identify real needs, to try to check those with the other person,” explains Davis, “but also establish boundaries on your side. Which is to say, it does not mean being endlessly available. A lot of the Torah is about healthy boundaries. That’s what Sabbath is about, what good spiritual direction is about –God’s boundaries with us.”

As we continue to weave our way forward in our new home, my family is getting a lot of time to practice presence. Yes, there are boundaries that need to be established so we can get some time alone, a chance to unpack our belongings, and moments to do all the other things that come with moving to a new house. But my husband and I are also striving to lean into our children’s needs. If they’re moody we try to feed them, bring them to a park, or go for a family bike ride. They might not always know what’s wrong, but we can be present even then.