The complicated metrics behind ‘Growing up Duggar’

Like the Duggar family I grew up without a TV. Yet their lives, more than mine, have been deeply shaped by television. Over two million people watched each episode of 19 and Counting, a reality show that ran from 2008 to 2015 featuring Jim Bob, Michelle and their very large homeschooling Baptist family. Despite the controversy that ended the show, the Duggers still have celebrity Christian status; Jill’s new memoir Counting the Cost became an instant New York Times bestseller. The Duggar family rose to fame when Jill was 12 and spin-off shows continued into her mid-20s. It was, as ‘Pops’ Jim Bob repeatedly said, their ministry – a chance to normalize healthy Christian family life. Viewers were fascinated by household routines and courtship rules.

In 2015, however, evidence of sexual abuse in the home dating back to 2002 came to light. This is the focus of the Amazon documentary Shiny Happy People. The perpetrator was the oldest son, Josh; the victims were his sisters, including Jill. No charges were ever laid by the family. In 2021, Josh was arrested by Homeland Security for child pornography, and he’s currently serving 12 years in prison.

Behind the scenes

It began with a photo. In 2002, Jim Bob Duggar ran for U.S. Senate. He lost, but a New York Times journalist had snagged a photo of his 15 kids at the polling station in homemade, matching outfits. A week later, a magazine did a feature on this unusual family – complete with a photo shoot. Then a TV station called about a one-time documentary.

“This is a window of opportunity,” Jim Bob told his kids, “that God has given us to show people what a Christian family can look like.” That phrase – a ‘window of opportunity’ – became Duggar family shorthand. “It was an instant reminder of the blessings received and the sacrifices that all of us must make in return.” For the next 13 years, a camera crew dictated Duggar activities. When Jill’s boyfriend Derick proposed, the producer got the perfect shot. When she got pregnant, People magazine announced the news.

Shiny Happy People is laser-focused on sexual abuse, pinning its origins on the Duggar’s participation in a Christian homeschool cult run by pastor Bill Gothard. It intimates that Gothard’s teachings might represent all Christian belief. Without letting anyone fully off the hook, Jill’s new book counterbalances that overwhelmingly negative portrait by offering a more nuanced picture of her upbringing.

Jill wants to help those who have been “harmed in the name of ‘religion,’” as the dedication says. How? By showing that “it’s possible to think for yourself and stay true to the Bible.” For years, the harm has been headline news. Yet Jill’s life is more than its obstacles; she maintains a vibrant, deep-rooted faith in God. She dedicates the book to “Jesus Christ, who I owe my life to, who has sustained us through it all” and remains committed to “healthy relationships, Lord willing” with her extended family. These statements sound unremarkable out of context but, given her life story, were not inevitable.

Under the lens

Details on the sexual abuse perpetrated by Josh Duggar on his younger sisters aren’t found in Jill’s book. The only allusion that Jill makes is when, living briefly in El Salvador, threats of gang violence and the real chance of being kidnapped escalate until “for once, my nightmares weren’t set in a dark Arkansas bedroom.” To date, Jim Bob and Michelle haven’t publicly acknowledged or apologized for the abuse, and they are still affiliated with Gothard’s organization even though Jill is the second daughter to speak up about the harm it enabled.

Jill’s memoir highlights another damaging teaching from Bill Gothard’s patriarchal religious system – the admonition “to not stir up contention among the brethren.” Instead of simply discouraging dissent, that phrase became a “tool for silence, for control and for guilt.” This pressure forced Jill and her sisters to publicly forgive Josh, to obey their father over their spouses, and to “vouch for Mom and Pops” at every turn. Even the thought of disagreeing with Jim Bob makes Jill terrified to the point of nausea, because his authority is equated with God’s. “If I didn’t honor his wishes,” she says, “I would be exposing myself to potential harm.” It was a cocktail of fear and manipulation that Jill is still expunging.

Jill was 26 years old the first time she wore pants. Her dad chastised her for it, but slowly she learned to make her own decisions. “God wasn’t angry with me,” she realized (over a different ‘infraction’). “Muscle memory told me I was sinning, but common sense, long and deep conversations with Derick, as well as my own Bible study, prayer life and conversations with other Christians told me I was actually okay. […] It’s a whole lot harder to live with balance than to fall to extremes.”

One of those extremes was Jim Bob’s control of family finances. About half of Jill’s memoir focuses on the years she participated in the show without being paid – up to 20 hours per week, even after she was married. She’s rightfully angry about a contract she was tricked into signing, her obligation to provide childbirth footage, and the estimate of eight million dollars’ earnings in Pops’ pockets. Stepping down from the spin-off in 2017 was the right decision, but I doubt the reader needs the level of fiscal detail Jill includes to prove it.

Still, Jill maintains it wasn’t all bad. “We loved each other,” Jill writes, “and we knew we were loved in return. I never once doubted that ‘children are a blessing.’ Mom and Pops lived it out loud. Things changed with the show. But it’s not difficult for me to look back on those days with gratitude.”

Her book ends with a photo from 2022, two decades after it all began: grandpops Jim Bob holding Jill’s newborn son. The baby is hard to see. Tellingly, Jill doesn’t post any pictures of her children’s faces on social media – perhaps another lesson learned from growing up under the distorted spotlight of reality TV. The fame and money resulting from 19 and Counting marred its ministry and clearly jeopardized family relationships. There is no balance between the three competing values of Jim Bob’s favourite phrase – his “family filming ministry.” Filming splits apart family and ministry every time.