Seven tips for concerned grandparents

If you’re concerned about your child’s parenting style, you’re not alone. Here are a few ways to mitigate conflict in your relationship with your adult children and grandchildren. 

1. Lead with curiosity. If you’re concerned about your child’s parenting style, lead with curiousity. Say things like: “Help me understand . . . ” or “Tell me more about . . . ” As you seek to understand why your child is parenting the way they are, you may learn some important truths about their values and ways that you can support them.
2. Offer practical help before unsolicited advice. If you want to be help your child, start with the practical things. See if you can offer to help make a meal, do some laundry, or clean with them. When you start here, it shows them that you want to be part of their village and support them. This type of practical support is often what your children who are now parents are needing most.
3. Don’t take change personally. As your child has experienced life, talked to their friends and researched their own parenting style, they may choose to do things differently. Again, as you lead with curiosity, it helps you take it less personally, and instead as new information that you can try to implement with your grandkids.  
4. Offer generous interpretations of your grandchild’s behaviour. Your toddler grandson may have big meltdowns; your preschooler granddaughter may stick her tongue out at you. This isn’t neccasarily them being bad or disrespectful. It’s a sign that they are little with a brain that doesn’t yet think logically or act reasonably (this develops closer to the ages of 5-9). Instead, wonder to yourself if your grandchild needs a break, a hug, a snack, or if it might be time for sleep. As you learn to see them differently, you’ll feel more connected to them. 
5. Show interest. Show your child that you care deeply about your grandchildren by showing interest in their lives. Ask about your grandchild’s likes and dislikes. Listen to stories about their personality and their quirks too. As you show interest in each unique grandchild, you’ll begin to uncover who they are as a unique child of God.
6. Write down your wisdom. As a grandparent, you have an important role of passing down your wisdom. If there’s things you want to share, get yourself a journal, and write it out. You can let your child know you’re doing this, and if they’d like to read it, it’s there. You may want to share positive stories, things that have worked well for you, and things that are meaningful to you. This practice of journalling it out helps you know your wisdom will be shared and received when your child is ready for it.
7. Follow your child’s lead. Ultimately, as a grandparent, you can be part of your child’s parenting village, but they get to make the decisions regarding their child’s care and their life. You can offer your help, but it’s up to them about how much support, advice, and help they need.