Making room for feelings
There's no linear process for heartache, but proper support is a necessary resource.
“The volcano room will be here.”
The architect indicated the spot with his cursor on the shared screen and continued describing the blueprint for what will be a children’s hospice home in Dundas, Ontario. I was part of a Zoom call with others who were invited to offer feedback in the design stage. The children’s hospice home will be called Keaton’s House – Paul Paletta Children’s Hospice, inspired by the life of a young boy named Keaton who died at seven years of age from stage 4 Rhabdomyosarcoma.
Volcano room
The architect caught me with the words “volcano room,” for this meant the core planning team was serious about intentionally supporting children and their families in their journey through grief and difficult experiences related to life-limited conditions. No, this is not about providing a room for science experiments. A volcano room is a safe space designed for individuals to experience – even erupt – all their emotions. This might include a padded wall to punch, art supplies, or a corner with a soft weighted blanket on a chair.
“Here is the world. Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don’t be afraid.”
– Frederick Buechner
Expanding awareness
McMaster Children’s Hospital’s pediatric palliative team, QoLA Care, is part of the planning for Keaton’s House. The children’s hospice home will allow QoLA to expand their care beyond the hospital walls into a more intimate and home-like setting. Pediatric palliative care is more than just helping families and children in their last breaths; it’s about providing compassionate care and supporting quality of life for the mind, body and spirit of children with life-limiting conditions.
Our family has been receiving care from the QoLA care team since 2016. One of the first things the team did when they met with our family was to learn more about our older children. It was evident from the beginning that they were offering support for all of us. We were given resources and insight on how to talk with our children about hard things such as medical emergencies and death. I’m thankful for these advances in healthcare practice.
Whether responding to someone who is dealing with challenging life experiences or trying to understand matters when you’re at the centre of the heartache, there’s no linear process or tidy fix. Grief, tangible or ambiguous, can be messy and awkward. It can be isolating. Yet when we give permission (even an actual room) for all the feelings to surface, we can become familiar with the heaviness and find creative ways to carry it.
“Our vision is to provide a place where children facing a life-limiting condition, and their families, receive care and support in a home-like, child friendly setting. This loving care continues as we support grieving families with a compassionate and holistic circle of care. The children’s hospice will be a place where these young patients, and their families can find joy, live well and create lasting memories.”
Keaton’s House – Paul Paletta Children’s Hospice Vision Statement.
