Hospitality Primer

Loving those around you, whether it’s the cashier at the grocery store, the difficult co-worker, or the family with screaming children next door, isn’t always the easiest or most comfortable. Sometimes we avoid it because we have pressing concerns happening in our lives. Other times we avoid it or push it back to another time because we’re busy or unsure how to reach out.

However, if you look at how many times the Bible says to love others, this isn’t something we should put off until later. Yet we still try. “And somehow you’ve delayed loving your neighbour, which is your responsibility every day,” says author Alexandra Kuykendall, “until three months later when it’s this big production.”

It doesn’t have to be a big production, and it doesn’t have to take you away from your daily life. In her book Loving My Actual Neighbour, Kuykendall elaborates on seven practices to love your neighbours where they are and where you are.

• Start with humility. As Kuykendall points out, “the definition of love [from 1 Corinthians 13:4-7] involves a humble spirit. Love and humility go hand in hand” (43). We are not better than those around us, and their current struggles don’t bar them from the love of God.
• Learn how to ask open-ended questions to invite conversation. Pay attention to the verbal and non-verbal cues from both yourself and the individual you’re speaking with. An interrogation is not a loving, safe environment that allows someone to open up with their struggles, joys and concerns.
• Don’t let yourself get so focused on asking the right question that you forget to listen. If you didn’t understand something, or you’re worried you’re misunderstanding, ask them to clarify, and then pause to hear their response.
• Stay with them when things are hard. As Nicola Bartel of Mercy Canada says, sit with them in their dark places, be present and love them as they walk through it.
• Acknowledge that there are some things you cannot control or change. You don’t pick who moves in next door or who hangs out at your favourite park. You also can’t change who you are. If you’re introverted, you’re going to need to take some time to recharge, and that’s okay.
• Let them into your life. Tell them about your joys and what you do for fun; you could even invite them along. Share with them what your struggles are and how God is helping you.
• Finally, give freely. Give your time, your talents and your resources. Build up the community around you with acts of forgiveness, mercy and grace.

Loving our neighbours doesn’t have to be difficult, and it doesn’t always look the way we think. When you live out Christian hospitality in your neighbourhood, ask God for his help, because God does it best.

“Often we love our neighbours in a certain way because that’s the only way we can think of, but God’s creative. Ask for creative solutions,” says Kuykendall. “We can ask him to give us eyes to see [who’s in front of us], pure hearts as we love our neighbours, and wisdom to know the best ways to love them.”

Note from CC:
Sometimes people’s struggles are beyond our capacities to help. Be sure to reach out to others – pastors, counsellors, health professionals or even police – if you think someone needs more help than you can offer, or is in danger of hurting themselves or others.

Read the companion piece to this article Humble Hospitality.