A fragile marriage
Review of "Beard" by Kelly Foster Lundquist.
Beard: A Memoir of a Marriage
Kelly Foster Lundquist
Eerdmans, 2025
Kelly Foster Lundquist’s memoir chronicles her ill-fated marriage to someone she deeply loved but barely knew. It’s also a social commentary on what it means to navigate being male and female in the eyes of God in the world one inhabits as a child – in her case, rural Mississippi and a culture soaked in the religion of conservative evangelical Christianity.
The title, Beard, refers to someone who marries to help cover up another’s being gay. This was once common in celebrity circles when same-sex liaisons were frowned on and had to be hidden. Some partners enter such a relationship knowingly, while others may be in for a complicated surprise. When Lundquist found herself to be a “beard,” her marriage and womanly self-worth slowly unravelled.
In her memoir, we glimpse the daily toll of keeping the ruse alive. Finally, neither she nor her barely-coping husband can tolerate the pain. In a testament to the author’s courage, she lets readers enter the dark interior of their turmoil. It’s as if we read from a private diary – not for salacious reasons, nor for soap-opera sentimentality, but to get at reality.
One of many delights of this complex story is its compassionate rendering of what people do when desire for authentic, reciprocal love is thwarted. For Kelly and her husband, food became part of the essential glue holding their fragile marriage together. There are lovely descriptions of homemade lasagna with fennel sausage and whole milk ricotta. There is her party platter of fresh garlic toast smeared with apricot jam, infused with rosemary and layered with brie and almonds. Enough to make one drool in comic relief. Devin’s drinking becomes problematic though and is no laughing matter for either of them.
These poignant events happened over twenty years ago. American culture has shifted dramatically over questions of sexual identity since then. In our age gender “fluidity” is apparently becoming a new norm.
Some readers, perhaps raised in a similar strand of Christianity as the author, might find this book unpalatable. Yet for readers allowing themselves to venture into unfamiliar territory, wisdom and forgiveness await.
