When church feels like a “gauntlet of unspoken rules”

In his book, Daniel Bowman Jr. describes wanting to crawl out of his skin when someone touches him without warning at church. Altar call, coffee hour and “popcorn prayers” are equally hard – a “gauntlet of unspoken rules and expectations requiring vigilant navigation” (p.112). We asked Bowman to elaborate on what churches can do differently.

Christian Courier: In addition to greater empathy, are there specific things churches could do for their autistic members?

Daniel Bowman Jr.: The church first needs to understand neurodivergence and trauma. Here is some of what autistic people experience:

• Being misunderstood, rejected, bullied and made to feel invisible (beginning in early childhood)
• Being vulnerable to abusive relationships and people taking advantage
• Suffering from depression and suicidal thoughts
• Navigating unwelcoming sensory environments (too bright/loud/cluttered/crowded/hot etc.), leading to shutdown
• Dealing with executive dysfunction
• Masking autistic traits to fit in at school and work, leading to burnout
• Getting zero support, especially after age eighteen

I invite any church leader to reflect on how you would welcome someone whose life looks like that list. It’s a lot. And remember, many of us go through these things with no diagnosis, no name for it, no clue why we’re so painfully different.

So yes, for me, implementing specific strategies in a church or anywhere must start with being trauma-informed. Study autism. Then study trauma and its impact on the central nervous system. Only then will you have the foundation to support neurodivergent people.

CC: The world operates on “neurotypical rules of engagement,” as you point out in your book. Can you give an example of what it might look like for neurotypicals to “meet us halfway”?

Bowman: First: seek out neurodivergent-led content. Buy and read books by neurodivergent writers. Find and follow us on social media. You will discover many brilliant creators providing insightful, engaging content on every aspect of neurodiversity. Not everyone will be your cup of tea, but if you adopt a posture of humility, you’ll not only learn and grow in compassion but also enjoy the journey. Every neurodivergent post you spend time with is a gift to the neurodivergent people in your life.

Second:

• Partner with autistic and neurodivergent people; offer us opportunities to serve
• Create a toned-down sensory space
• Move from awareness to ownership of understanding neurodiversity
• Account for executive dysfunction (planning, time management, etc.)
• Don’t be afraid of harmless self-regulating (stimming) behaviours
• Don’t force surface-level greetings; instead, facilitate relationships
• Pray for neurodivergent people!

What’s been the most significant change in your life since your autism diagnosis?

The ancient Greek aphorism says, “Know thyself.” Learning I was autistic empowered me to begin the journey of self-awareness as a neurodivergent – to comprehend my life at deeper levels. I could explore, examine, analyze, wonder, mourn, celebrate, learn and grow. I could write about it. I could understand my trauma and begin to heal.