What your grandparents didn’t tell you about aging

Aging – is it a blessing or a burden?

A long life is considered a gift; the longer one lives, the more they experience. And yet, paradoxically, society poses it as a problem to fix. Get older, pop culture says, but don’t let the years show on your face. Grow, but don’t allow the hardships of health to display on your physique. 

Lord willing, we all reach old age. But in a youth-oriented capitalist society, the older generation can feel neglected and pushed to the sidelines as they exit the workforce.

Yet the older generation is the backbone of Christian Courier. Those who found hope in Calvinist Contact decades ago have grown alongside our redemptive journalism. We know how CC has developed during its life, but how has our older generation of readers changed over their decades? 

Perspective and gratitude

I asked a few members of the older generation (not strictly CC readers) to provide insight on the subject of aging. 

“A long lifetime teaches us a lot,” commented Anne, 83. With age comes a better understanding of world events, allowing one to realize that every moment is not a crisis. There is more room for gratitude, especially for the blessing of family.

A survey we ran a year ago revealed that a staggering 74% of respondents see family time as more important the older they get. This sense of joy grows as one ages, as God’s gift of life provides more experiences, such as grandchildren, travelling, accomplishments and hobbies. A great amount of joy comes from family, as the expansion of the family tree provides new generations, new opportunities for bonds to be born. Interview subjects describe these relationships (especially with grandchildren or great-grandchildren) as a blessing. 

Identity shifts

But alongside joy, a long life also means grief, both physical and emotional. Loved ones pass away, mundane everyday tasks become difficult and health declines. “Aging is a challenge in every way,” Maxine, age 81, told CC. Opportunities for social interactions are dependent on health, and grief is ongoing as loved ones pass away. Maxine’s capacity to spend time on hobbies she enjoys, such as baking bread, has also declined.

“Emotionally, we all need to feel useful,” commented Anne. “When eyesight, hearing, and other senses dull, what good am I to society? Should I still be taking up valuable space on this very limited planet?” 

Anne’s concerns resonate with the sentiments of other elderly folk I interviewed, who wonder what they’re capable of doing as they age. Though one interviewee said the best part about aging is having less responsibilities, she expressed a desire to feel needed. In combating feelings of uselessness, many said they channel time towards prayer. Prayer for family, for health, for the world. 

To pray, clarity of mind is crucial, which hinges on consistent healthy habits. “I know that my cognitive functions can decline. If I parked myself in front of a TV, that process could quickly accelerate,” explains Anne, who regularly walks, reads, puzzles, socializes and cooks to keep her mental, physical and emotional health in shape. 

Living with mistakes

When prompted to look back on her lifetime, Maxine said it is unlikely she would make different choices were she able to live her life over. She reinforced her stance by sharing an excerpt of Robert Browning’s poem: 

I am grown peaceful as old age to-night.

I regret little, I would change still less.

Since there my past life lies, why alter it?

“Andrea del Sarto” by Robert Browning

Anne also does not think she would live her life over. Though she has regrets about some choices, she affirms that living with past mistakes — and forgiving yourself for them — is a necessary part of life. “I mean, if God is willing to forgive me my stupidities and blindness, who am I to argue?”

One individual referenced Romans 8:28, stating her assurance that God has brought her closer to him despite her mistakes. Another reader expressed that “there are many joys left for [her],” as well as joys to come, as she anticipates one day seeing Jesus face to face. This resounding thankfulness for God’s gift of new life was similarly expressed by Maxine, who describes the hope of being “homeward bound” amidst her health struggles. 

It was this theme of joy in hardship that resonated throughout my conversations with aging individuals. Looking back on a long life yields one’s mistakes, but it also reveals deep joy throughout their years of growing older.

In the burden of aging, there are blessings.