The waiting game

I don’t like airline travel. It isn’t because I’m afraid of flying. It’s because I’m annoyed by waiting. Nothing is more frustrating than arriving at the airport at the recommended time, checking in and going through security, only to arrive at my gate to discover that the plane isn’t there.

That description is similar to the experience of many young adults and their attempt to stay connected to the church. Many of them have participated in Sunday school, mission trips, youth group and profession of faith; they are looking forward to the next steps in their faith journey. These young adults are eager to contribute to their church community in a meaningful way. 

The problem is that when they’re ready, the church often tells them to wait. “Wait until you’re older, married, have kids or are ‘more settled’ in your careers before assuming a position of influence or leadership.” These messages can be either directly or indirectly communicated, but they are certainly received. Some of us “older” members of the congregation might feel that this is the way church is supposed to work; after all, when we were that age we may have experienced the same thing.

Shifting goalposts

This response is problematic for several reasons, the first being the changing societal context in which the church finds itself. We all know young people who match what research is showing: the societal “goalposts” that historically were used to determine when a person was considered an adult – marriage, starting a family, owning a home – have moved. According to the Vanier Institute for the Family, the average age for a person marrying in Canada in 2020 was 31 years old. In 1970, it was 24. Not only are young people marrying later, many of them are choosing not to marry at all. A 2018 Cardus study found that 60 percent of men and 53 percent of women in Canada between the ages of 18-34 stated that “marriage was simply not necessary” for them. Getting married is often the first step toward home ownership and starting a family, so a delay in marriage impacts all three of the historic “readiness for leadership” measuring sticks the church has often used.

Leading elsewhere

In addition to reviewing statistical data, if “older” people spent time reflecting on how it felt when they were younger to be told to wait, they would probably admit that it was a frustrating experience. After all, who likes to be told that their gifts and talents aren’t needed, at least not right now? If anything, it seems like older people could use that experience to develop empathy and to advocate for younger people seeking to serve in leadership roles in their congregations.

Finally, the reality is that the church might be one of the few places in a young person’s life where they aren’t given the opportunity to lead. According to a 2022 report by the Global Entrepreneurship Monitor, 30 percent of all Canadian business start-ups were being led by individuals between the ages of 25-34, followed by young people between the ages of 18-24 years old. Individuals in this demographic are also more likely to be enrolled in college or university where they will have additional opportunities to actively participate in student organizations and leadership roles. The combination of these factors points to a reality where the inability to be involved on the church level is a significant outlier in the day-to-day experience of young people.

So, if we find ourselves looking around our churches on a Sunday morning asking, “Where have all the young adults gone?” perhaps we should consider this as a possible answer to that question: maybe they got tired of waiting.