Good grief

“Good grief!” exclaims Charlie Brown, often when Lucy removes the football from his attempted kick, landing him flat on his back. His exasperation seems oxymoronic. How can grief be good?

We all experience grief. Grief is a reaction to any loss, big or small. It can be at the death of a loved one or the loss of a ballgame. 

I am grieving. I am grieving political situations and conflict in my church denomination, where I previously felt more at home. I am grieving the direction of so many in the American church that are falling into the Pharisaic moralistic legalism that so angered Jesus. In addition to the joys of retirement, I grieve no longer being a pastor or teacher. I still grieve the loss of my father in 1979 and mother in 1994, even though that was long ago.

Most likely you have heard of Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’s five stages of grief. Although this has been critiqued as not representing a true cycle, the elements of denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance occur at various times. Grief is a reaction to the loss of someone or something that you love. During holiday times, many people experience grief acutely.

Because of love

How can grief be good? Grief is an expression of love. Love is to be meaningfully and emotionally connected to someone or something. It is loving relationships that define who we are and what we desire. When a relationship is lost, it shakes our identity and reshapes our future. How is this good?

Grief awakens us to evil and purifies our love. Maybe the reason Charlie Brown kept trying to kick that football was because of the importance of his relationship with Lucy.

God grieves. In the very strange and difficult passage in Genesis 6:1-8 that gives the reason for the flood, twice it says that God grieves (vs. 6, 8 in NIV 1984 translation). Shocking. The Hebrew word used here has multiple meanings all related to “breathing deeply” as an expression of one’s emotions of sorrow, compassion or comfort. This expresses the depth of God’s love for his creatures and his creation. The newer translation of “regret” does not strike us as provocatively as the original text.  God also grieves when King Saul turns away from him (1 Sam. 15:11). This is good grief, personal emotional pain in the face of loss and broken relationships.

Glorifying

Although Mary’s Magnificat is a praise song it also contains a series of laments. It reflects the abuse of the poor, hungry and humble by the proud, rich and powerful. Mary reminds God of his own promises of mercy. “Mercy” is the translation of the powerful Hebrew word “Hesed.” This is God’s loyal, gracious, faithful covenant love for his people. As we grieve, we can turn to Immanuel, “God with us.” Loss should be grieved but not without hope (cf. 1 Thess. 4:13). Grieving is a process that can’t be rushed. Pain and loss needs to be experienced and acknowledged, otherwise, the evil goes unseen. Respect those who grieve. Sit with them. Listen to them. Lament with them. Be Immanuel, God with us. Good grief.