From stand-up comedian to Sister Superior: an unlikely journey

A Change of Habit

By Sister Monica Clare
Crown, 2025.

Sister Monica Clare’s childhood in the American South was difficult. Her father was a violent addict. The family never lived in one place long enough to hang pictures on walls. On one occasion, out of hunger, Clare distracted a store clerk while her sister nabbed a can of spaghetti. Her father once landed a good job and bought real furniture, on credit, but then lost his job and the family got notice that the furniture would be repossessed. So, he moved the furniture to another location, headed to Goodwill to buy replacements and instructed his children to put on long, sad faces when the collection agency arrived to pick up the furniture. The truck drivers, feeling terrible, apologized.

Such tales pale in comparison with the violent treatment of her mother and sister. In this environment, Clare discovered “the power of sisters . . . the advantage of facing certainty and terror as a team.” She desired to find peace, a place to belong, community. As a high school student in a parochial school, she noticed that “nuns were the first women I’d met who defied the rules of southern femininity. They were unmarried. They were not competing for men, so their bonds seemed closer and uncomplicated to me. They worked. And the thing I was most in awe of was that they had shrugged off the chains of being attractive. Beauty seemed to mean something else entirely to them, something deeper, more internal. They were free.

I thought, That’s who I want to be.”

A roundabout route

At age 44, Clare had a successful career – ad writer, stand-up comedian and script writer for Saturday Night Live – and marriage, but she set it all aside. She had climbed the ladder of ambition, tried to please others, not giving offence and working hard. Now it would take years to become a nun, shucking old “habits” before wearing the “habit.” “I let go of the idea of corporate success. I let go of the idea of dating, of children, of thinking that I had to weigh 100 pounds.” For the first time in life, “[I] felt like I was where I was meant to be.”

The nun’s habit, “a new armor,” liberates her. “I would never again glance in my shop window to see if I looked fat. At last, I could take all those standards of femininity and ignore them for all the rest of my life . . . I looked at myself in the mirror and for the first time in my life, I liked what I saw.”

The process of becoming a nun was difficult. It involved rigorous testing and evaluations before the stages of being a postulant, then a nun in training, engagement, novitiate, first profession, life process and, finally, ordination. The small, isolated Episcopalian convent required different “habits” of communication, time in prayer and silence. Getting rid of stuff was initially a challenge for Clare, but then she found it liberating when freed of clutter. She cast off poor self-esteem by developing confidence and acceptance in a safe, accepting community. She belonged, finally, in a safe space where everyone looked after each other “till death do us part.”

Sister Monica

Sister Monica spends part of her ministry in inner-city New York. Life with an abusive father prepared her for loving people who struggle with addictions: “They weren’t there just for the clothes. They were there for community.” Her habit gave her immediate recognition: “I loved walking through the city in my monastic gear. I didn’t have to worry about my lack of fashion sense ever again.” Her empathy didn’t go unnoticed: “You make us feel like people,” a homeless man tells her.

One surprising turn of events was being elected Sister Superior of the Community of St. John Baptist. This position took her through covid (Lysol duty!). After George Floyd was murdered (2020) she helped organize a Black Lives Matter protest. Skills acquired before the convent (years of improv, being in a band, acting, work in advertising and script writing) also played crucial roles in preparing her for this leadership.

The memoir prompts thinking about complexities in relationships, living more simply and the social pressure on girls growing up obsessed with the need to be pretty and sweet, nice and attractive. This inside picture portrays the richness of an uncluttered life of peace in a safe community.