Father of the bride-to-be

Over the Christmas holidays my daughter received a special gift – an engagement ring. As a family we are delighted for her, especially since she is engaged to a committed young fellow who shares the Christian faith. However, as the father of the bride-to-be, there is a lump in my throat and many thoughts and feelings are circulating in my mind.

The first one is simply this: how did a little girl, who once sat contentedly on my lap, who rode her tricycle with glee (away from our home once), who frolicked throughout the house in her one-piece pajama, who played with our pet rabbit . . . how did she grow up so fast? I remember when old folks used to look wistfully at our young family and comment on how we ought to enjoy our kids because they grow up fast. It turns out they were right! The days often seemed long, but the years flew by quickly.

We appreciated that the young man who is now her fiancé had the class to come and ask our blessing before they got engaged. I recall the time I nervously drove to my future in-laws’ house to ask them for their daughter’s hand in marriage. I was somewhat taken aback at the time when they asked if I could afford a wife. However, as this young couple contemplates marriage, still in their early 20s and just finishing school and getting jobs, I confess that the same question also entered into my middle-aged, slightly balding head. Of course, when we were 21 and contemplating getting married, finances were not our primary concern. After we were married, we moved into a one-bedroom married-student apartment at the University of Waterloo. We lived like church mice, but we were happy as clams.

Creative celebration
Our attention has now turned to planning for the wedding. I don’t recall thinking much about weddings. In fact, my wife did practically all the planning for our own simple wedding – all I had to do was show up. However, in discussing weddings with friends and colleagues, I realize that there are many expectations surrounding this cultural rite, and an entire industry eagerly waiting to take your money. Visions of the iconic character “Franck” played by Martin Short in the 1990’s film Father of the Bride come to mind when I envision the ostentatious spectacle that a wedding can become. Reality TV shows like Say Yes to the Dress paint a bewildering picture of family, friends and salespeople agonizing in the quest for the “perfect dress,” with price tags that seem absurd for a piece of clothing to be worn for only one day. I was glad when my wife said yes to her dress: a fitting model which we got for a song.

The apple does not fall far from the tree. My daughter has already begun exploring creative ways to plan a classy yet modest wedding. The wedding service will be held in our home church with a reception hosted at our local Christian school gym just down the street. I still remember what our wedding photographer told us years ago: no matter what happens, you’ll be just as married at the end of the day. This will be a wedding about celebration and hospitality, not about making the pages of Today’s Bride magazine.

As they plan the wedding, we need to recognize it is theirs to plan, as is the rest of their lives. They will be starting a new home together, and a micro-managing parent or in-law is not helpful. However, I suspect we may offer occasional, optional, carefully-considered advice.

I suspect the lump in my throat is part of the common experience for fathers of engaged daughters. My daughter has long outgrown her tricycle, but we welcome a new season with a new son-in-law-to-be. The “olive shoots” around our table continue to grow (Ps. 128:3b), and for that we are thankful! We look forward to celebrating a wonderful wedding this summer, and we pray for a marriage (to borrow a phrase from the marriage form) in which “the kingdom of God is advanced.”