Destination: respite

Sunshine, good coffee and incredible scenery. For seven days in December, I was able to enjoy the beautiful country of New Zealand’s North Island. Our second-born child currently lives in Wellington on a holiday work visa, and it had been 566 days since I had hugged my kid. Cue our team of nurses, a willing spouse to manage matters at home and a generous friend to travel with me. With the walls in Rachel and Janneke’s bedroom adorned in checklists and reminders, I stepped away.

My time, my terms

As a parent of two teenagers diagnosed as developmentally disabled and medically fragile, my days are determined by their health and well-being. It was strange, almost overwhelming, to have the freedom to sleep, eat, hike and just sit on my own terms.  

The trip was not without some drama. With a delayed flight leading to a missed flight leading to a new flight, it took four days to travel there with one unplanned day in Vancouver and another in Sydney, Australia. And yes, it took our luggage six days to find us with all those changed plans. 

Warm holiday

The obvious highlight was spending time with our Blake, exploring Waikanae beach and watching dolphins swim up close in downtown Wellington. My friend Carolyn and I were able to see trees of amazing proportions in Vancouver, Sydney and Wellington, sizes that rival my favourite mighty pines of Algonquin Park. The consistent sunshine, the lack of mosquitoes and the perfect summer temperatures easily eclipsed the cold cloudy days of Ontario’s December!

Caring in community

I’m home again and not necessarily feeling incredibly different from when I left for the trip. Stepping away isn’t magical, but it matters. There is something so important and healthy in being able to take a break from the routine and rigour of caregiving. Even the attendants on the six flights I took in two weeks highlighted this truth; in order for you to be of help to those around you, you need to put the oxygen mask on yourself first. Yet accessing respite as a caregiver requires creativity, additional energy and often economic resources that aren’t necessarily available. In short, as caregivers, we need help to help ourselves. 

I believe both the number of and the need for caregivers is growing in our communities. I encourage us all to look for ways to support each other. To clarify, I don’t mean that everyone needs to fly around the world, but even a few hours away or sharing the responsibilities of daily tasks can bring some perspective and peace to the busy mind of a caregiver.  

It doesn’t have to be
the blue iris, it could be
weeds in a vacant lot, or a few small stones;
just pay attention . . .
a silence in which
another voice may speak.

– Mary Oliver, “Praying”